Listening to Your Body

This last week was crazy. I realized that I was more stressed out than I'd ever been in my life and that includes planning our wedding three years ago (a nightmare). Everything just built up so quickly and I couldn't figure out a way to escape it. I was exhausted, dehydrated, and fully on-edge. Our finances took a huge hit with two unexpected expenses and I just broke down. I found myself in the shower crying to myself because that was the only place I could be alone. Birch and I had a long talk and figured out how we would handle the next few months. We sorted out our financial situation (luckily) and were on the road to emotional recovery when--BAM--Saturday afternoon happened.

I felt strange. More than just tired and thirsty, more than just a headache, more than just normal pregnancy discomfort. Something was off. I called the advice nurse without any real idea of what I would say. I was in pain, I was uncomfortable, I didn't want to raise my head up at all, my entire torso felt tight, and my back was on pins and needles. Every time the baby moved the pain went up two or three times. The advice nurse said to come into Labor and Delivery. It was simultaneously exactly what I did and didn't want to hear. We hurriedly packed up Keats, left Olive, and drove the hour to the hospital. About twenty minutes before arriving, I had four contractions within a fifteen-minute span. This was not good. Holding back tears, I sighed relief as we pulled into an emergency spot at the hospital. I insisted on walking into the department because I felt like I could feel what was going on in my body that way, instead of numbing out while sitting in a wheelchair. With cords going from me to machine, we called my parents who very obligingly came and picked up Keats so that we could concentrate on what was going on. The contractions stopped and it was determined that I was not in pre-term labor because my cervix was doing just fine and staying put like it should. The baby was doing just fine, too. She moved all over the place like she always does and her heartbeat was constant and good. It was a huge relief. I drank loads of water and a bit of juice and was released five and a half hours after arriving diagnosed as dehydrated. It was a simple explanation, one that we expected, but I can't tell you how glad we were to be leaving the hospital with a healthy baby still baking away in the oven. I broke down a bit as we passed the neonatal ICU and squeezed Birch's hand, "Aren't you so glad we aren't dealing with that right now?" I asked. He nodded, gave me a big squeeze, and we both thanked God that we'd been spared the stress and heartache of a dangerously early birth.

Sufficed to say, the experience was a jolt to our systems. Birch took Keats for the entire rest of the weekend, letting me rest as much as possible. I'm drinking ridiculous amounts of water and we finally bit the bullet and have cut off Keats' breastfeeding experience. I'm starting to feel my body make its way back to normal and although it didn't seem like much was done at the hospital, I know that so much knowledge and expertise went into that experience and I'm so grateful that I listened to my body and went. I can't imagine the terror I would have felt had I been at home having those contractions without a clue as to why or what was happening. Now I know and it is this: I need to slow down, relax, and take care of my body first and foremost. Arranging our new home can wait, I can put Birch in charge of more baby-related chores when he is home, and I can definitely make sure I drink plenty of water from now on. I feel so guilty that I brought that experience on myself and to my family. It was a classic example of how not taking care of your mental and emotional self can have a serious and direct impact on your physical self, potentially causing life-threatening situations. I've been thinking that this pregnancy has been so easy, especially in comparison with the last, but that difference can't translate into me not taking care of the very basic duties of being a pregnant mother: resting, drinking plenty of fluids, eating right, and keeping stress as far from your life as possible. With eight more weeks before due date, it's hard to just shuffle all the planning into the background, but I have to do a better job. Luckily, I have an amazingly supportive husband, family, and friends.

This weekend, Birch has suggested I take a little vacation for myself away from mama responsibilities. I'll spend it away from home, hopefully doing a bit of fun shopping and much-needed me-time. I may even get my first pedicure since a friends' wedding about ten years ago. (And yes, that means I didn't have one for my own wedding... whoops.) Any more suggestions on how to spend two days and two nights? Go to a museum and actually look at the pieces for longer than three seconds each? Eat lunch at a restaurant and take as much time as I'd like to do it?

To reiterate, all is well with me and with baby #2. It seems we can't quite make it through a pregnancy without some kind of scare, but I'm glad we've come through unscathed yet again (last time 'round it was the unrelenting fainting spells).

I promise I'll post soon with photos galore of the farm and all the fun things we've been doing this summer. We truly love it in dear Pescadero and are so happy we made the decision to move there, despite all the stress that has ensued since. Sometimes a place is just worth it and this place has enabled us to fulfill so many dreams all at once, it's glorious.

Hoping you are well!

Time is Flying By

With the move, a busy toddler, and Birch only having two weeks of vacation from teaching, time is just flying by and we can hardly believe that we're already in the middle of August! Only two and a half months until Baby #2 is born. Only one three-day weekend vacation for Birch between now and then. We're more than a little shocked at how quickly this pregnancy has progressed.

I've taken some precious alone time to arrange books and toys on shelves and Birch and I put up some new storage space in the kitchen. We agreed on a new arrangement of some furniture and to finally go get some folding chairs from IKEA for visitors to perch on while they witness the craziness that is our life these days.

The Nisse folding chair from IKEA in white.

It's not the most amazing chair in the world, but it fits our budget for now as we'd like to slowly accumulate furniture as we can afford it instead of taking in lost souls on the street like we did with our last apartment which ended in clutter and stress, not to mention my general disapproval of the design and layout of our home.

As we look into the next few months and scrounge about in our budget, we're expecting a new car (!) that will accommodate two car seats and a certain black dog (we're hoping for a Subaru Outback post-2005), a new convertible car seat for Keats, a crib and accoutrements, and a lovely double stroller that will fold up smallish but still withstand the dirt roads of our new home and our twice-daily farm walks. Those four things are the absolute necessities. Sticking to our budget now will help us to afford more later and we're slowly figuring out what is a comfortable compromise between our love for the simple life and the niceties of the tech-savvy world we live in. By the new year I hope we'll be in a position where we can afford a new couch and maybe a few fruit trees as well. I keep telling myself that it is okay to for our new home to be an ongoing project. I'm a natural nester anyway, but with pregnancy winding down I feel the urge to organize and decorate even stronger. Some days it is unbearable and I become quite frustrated, but for the most part I'm able to talk myself through it as I've planned so much and measured every last corner I am sure it will eventually be the place I envision.

Our little girl will be here so soon. We've settled on two potential names and can't wait to meet her in order to decide once and for all. Keeping our choices a secret has been nice for me. I'm not sure Birch quite sees the point of it, but I've enjoyed having that little bit of intimacy between us. With so much going on with Keats, keeping our little girl's name to ourselves has helped me to focus on her as well. Perhaps it wouldn't matter either way, but I like it this way and most people have understood and are patient.

All in all, our life as a family has been quite pleasant lately. It's easy to get lost in the madness sometimes, but we're enjoying ourselves to no end and can't wait for the new little one to join us in November.

Here's to you as I hope you have (or find soon) the fulfillment our little family has found with each other. In my opinion, it doesn't matter much what brings you contentment and peace as long as you are able to recognize it and share with others. All our love to you and yours.

Fabric for a New Home and a Little Girl

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind. We're still recovering, still without phone or internet at home, but slowly making process on settling in. We celebrated Independence Day and our third anniversary and I had a private birthday party in my head for my lovely niece who lives in England accompanied by a Hostess cupcake (my one real indulgence in the world of processed foods) complete with candle. Things around here don't seem to be slowing down at all anytime soon, so hopefully once Birch has some actual summer vacation we'll be able to really enjoy family time without the worries of commuting, planning, and doctor visits. Please, oh please. Those will be two sweet weeks which I fully plan on savoring before Birch starts up the new, regular school year.

So, in the quiet moments when Keats is asleep, I daydream about fabric. Perhaps odd, but I love it. There are so many projects whirling around my head that I'd love to complete by the end of the year. That playhouse that is seriously overdue, picnic blankets, crib bedding for both Keats and our little girl, some outdoor bunting to brighten up the full-of-potential backyard that now only has three dying tomato transplants and a thriving bunny, and perhaps even a few pieces of clothing for me, Birch, and the little ones. We'll see what gets done and what is put on the back burner.

Here's some fabric I've been eyeing:

Zoe Pearn Designs Alphabet Soup in Argyle Orange

Rosette Cherry by Valori Wells Wrenly

Chicken Eggs in Maize by Sentimental Studios Farmyard

Anjou Pour Vous in Yellow by Michael Miller

Zoe Pearn Designs Alphabet Soup in Circles Green

Mamma Birds in Mandarin by Valori Wells Wrenly

Solid Crosshatch Sun by Timeless Treasures

Foxes by Monaluna Organic Anika

Lou Lou Thi Laminate in Summer Totem Tart by Anna Maria Horner

What fabrics are you craving these days? Happy fabric shopping!

Quick Check-In

Life has been crazy the past two weeks. Packing, moving, packing some more, cleaning, etc. Our last day in the old apartment is coming up fast and with Birch needing to work every week day, things are slow-moving. But we'll get it done. We have to and though that thought stressing me out like no other at times, it is also comforting just knowing that all this craziness has an end-point. We've had some amazing help and support from close friends and family, without which I don't think we could have done it, not without several panic attacks from me, anyway. Poor Birch. The man is stressed out, too, but he has this amazing ability to just get it done while comforting me when I'm just too tired to move. I've bad-mouthed his constant need to be doing something before, but it's times like this when I realize what an extraordinary blessing it is to have someone like that in your life. The man will just work for hours on end late into the night, then get up early, go to work, come home and give me a short break from Keats, then start packing, moving, and cleaning all over again. It's pretty astounding to watch.

At this point, we just want to be in our new home, enjoying the fresh air, the new space and places, and setting up all our little knick-knacks. It'll be a slow process though, so we'll just have to take deep breaths and wait until we're getting regular paychecks again in the fall. It's all worth it, though. All this stress and craziness, it's worth it for what we're getting. We feel very lucky to have been given the chance to encounter our dream so early on in our marriage. I'm looking forward to slow days outside, taking out the thistle and grass in the yard and replacing it with fall crops, and splashing about with Keats in the kiddie pool. Oh, Summer, you've finally arrived and I can't wait to spend quality time with you outside at the farm.

Until then, there are many things to be done: painting the walls back to white, switching our phone line, taking ourselves off PG&E's radar for a while, moving the rest of our stuff to the new place, and trying to find a way to thank our wonderful friends and family for all they've helped us to do the past few weeks. That last one will be the hardest.

Once we move, we may be out of contact for a while as we wait for our phone and internet to be set up, but we'll check back in when we can and let you know how we're doing. All our love and enjoy this late-coming but beautiful summer weather. Ah, sunshine, you've been missed!

Bellybutton or...

Our little girl at 20 weeks.

Baby #2! That's right! Birch and I have been quite a bit more secretive this time around, not quite sure why, but I am twenty weeks along with baby #2 and we couldn't be more excited! This pregnancy has been, dare I say it, heavenly? It indeed has been with only three days total of morning sickness and just a general more-than-usual tired feeling. Compared to last time, it is glorious. My hips have just started giving me trouble, so I'll need to kick up the exercise and stretching (as in, you know, do it), but other than that I'm feeling grand. In fact, I actually have to keep reminding myself that I'm pregnant and put time aside to reflect and plan for this little bundle. To help me take time for this baby/pregnancy, I've started a journal detailing my thoughts and what we've been up to.

So far, everything looks and sounds normal and healthy. We went in for the big ultrasound yesterday where we saw all the little inner workings and found out the sex: it's a GIRL! We are so excited! Both Birch and I were hoping for a little girl this time. I have to admit, I've actually snagged up a few too-cute-to-resist girl things already. Since finding out I was pregnant, I couldn't get rid of the feeling that our newest little one was a girl. All the names we came up with seemed to be for girls and I just felt like it was a girl, much like how I felt Keats was a boy.

Speaking of Keats, he has taken to hugging my belly. Although we like to believe he just knows that he's got a little sibling in there, it's really that he's become absolutely obsessed with bellybuttons, asking to see ours, his, and on special occasions giving mine, and only mine, raspberries. It's pretty funny and mostly adorable, I just hope he doesn't surprise someone else with a big, wet raspberry. That could be embarrassing. Taking advantage of his bellybutton love, we've started calling mine Baby #2 as well as plain ol' belly button. Maybe he'll eventually figure it out as he gets a little older, who knows. It's worth a shot, right?

Without knowing why, we're keeping this pregnancy a bit more private, not that I won't be sharing things here on the blog, but we'll be keeping our name choices to ourselves and you won't find me complaining about every symptom on Facebook. Sorry about that last time, by the way. Ah, hormones. We haven't announced it generally among friends (this is it, by the way), so don't feel slighted if we didn't tell you. We've pretty much only told the people that we see on a regular basis as their the ones that actually see my belly getting larger. Again, I'm not sure why we're being so private about it this time. Did anyone else go through this with their pregnancy? Am I crazy? Wait, don't answer that last question. I remember feeling very private at the end of my pregnancy with Keats. I guess it just came really early this time around. Having so much of my energy and mental world devoted to Keats must have something to do with it. The pregnancy even feels like it's being kept secret from me sometimes since I'm not experiencing many of the tell-tale pregnancy symptoms (again, thank heavens)! If you felt this way while you were pregnant, what did you do to help get to know your child?

If you have any baby name ideas, send 'em on over!

We love you all very much and can't wait to introduce you to yet another member of our family! Haha, wow. Another little one. How fun!

A New Place Means New Hope in Design

As Birch and I prepare to move to the coast and into a smaller place, I can't help but dream of finally bringing all this years' addictive blog-reading, online window shopping and failed decorating to good use in a brand new, clutter-free space.

I signed up for an e-course, Style Your Space by Smile and Wave's Rachel Denbow, a while ago and it (combined with the prospect of moving) has given me the impetus to just go for it and get rid of everything I've been on the fence about keeping. You know, the conveniently free but inconveniently sized/shaped piece of furniture that you put up with because, well, it was free? Birch and I have accumulated many of these and with the chance to start over again, I can't resist doing just that: starting over.

The course has been really helpful and I definitely plan on taking more e-courses in the future. It's such an easy way to learn about something you're specifically interested in while keeping your life as stress-free as possible as you can keep up with the course at your own pace! Perfect. Oh, and it's a fraction of the price of a university course. Huzzah!

So, now we've figured out what kind of furniture we really need and I've figured out what aesthetic I'd truly love filling my home. The new place will be filled with light, color, and open space. Oh, and books will be sorted by color a la this bookshelf seen on Aesthetic Outburst (via Jenny Mitchell via desire to inspire via design*sponge).

With all the beautiful homes I have cataloged away, I have a good idea of what I want, where to get it, how much I'm willing to spend on what, and what can stand to be bought for less now and then replaced when we're a bit better off/have more tucked away in that savings jar.

Adding punches of color is always fun.

Vintage tomato red ceramic table lamp from High Street Market.

Reclaimed Cedar Skinny Wall Table by True Connection.

This gorgeous bedspread and rug are the perfect combination from Anthropologie.

"The Bird Collection" print by Abbey Hendrickson of Aesthetic Outburst.

A smidgen of science with a framed Charaxes Eupale from Real Butterfly Gifts.

And with a few pieces left "blank" for contrast or future DIY spicing up, the colors pop even more and the beautiful, natural light of the room shines throughout open space, giving the impression of a larger space even when the room is really quite small. So, I'll snatch up some spot cleaner and make up some new rules which I'll probably never follow and hope for the best!

The simple Klobo loveseat from IKEA.

The Rivulets standard-size shams by Anthropologie may be a bit much for Birch, but we'll see.

With vases filled with wildflowers, artwork/photos and knick knacks hung on the walls, books and toys displayed in an accessible yet fun manner, a daily sweeping of hardwood floors, and a new sense of how to keep it all organized and livable, our home will be our home and on those days when we're forced by the weather to stay indoors and race cars across the living room floor, we'll love it. Coming in from the glorious farm outside won't be so painful as we plop down on a cozy rug and watch Angus Lost. Coming home from the awe-inspiring Pacific Ocean will introduce us to the wonder that is shaking off the sand on the deck, stripping down as much as possible, laughing all the while as we run to the bathroom to take a quick shower then snuggle up on the couch to look at all the photos we took that lovely day. We'll chop up carrot greens in the kitchen to feed Harlequin the rabbit, slide on our boots to visit the cows and pigs, grab Olive's leash from her special hook and venture out. Out from the place we've made for ourselves that not only reflects who we are and what we love but invites others inside, invites others to know who we are, invites others to keep hoping for themselves. Birch will come home each day from work and his long commute and smile as he's greeted by a happy family and a beautiful home situated right in the middle of the perfect spot: our dream come true!

Tinker Bell Was Here

Have you ever felt like someone just hopped over and sprinkled your life with fairy dust? That's how we're feeling over here at the current Fox nest. Yep. Current. We're moving! During that whole rat fiasco across the way, our neighbor mentioned to us that they'd heard of a cottage for rent in one of our favorite coastal towns and to top it all off, it's on a farm! We immediately set to work. We had to get this place. We could feel it within us: this place is supposed to be our home. But how could we go about making this happen? Birch would have a longer commute to work, we didn't have any money saved up for a deposit (not that much, anyway), and our lease wasn't up for another month. After a stressful, back-and-forth week with our landlord, we gave our notice. Whirlwind of decision-making over, we had made our choice: farm, please! Thanks to the never-ending generosity of our family and friends, we made it official, drew up a new budget plan for the summer, and told those wonderful people renting out a cottage on their land that we would love to be their newest tenants. Thankfully, all was agreed upon. Our official move-in date is June 15th, but we can start moving our stuff in anytime. Have you ever heard of a landlord being so generous? My goodness. I'm going to like this place... Correction: I'm going to adore this place.

This place is incredible. Our one-bedroom cottage sits within a very large yard within a small, family-owned farm two miles from the Pacific Ocean. Right now, we will be straight-up renting the cottage, not working the farm in exchange for room and board. We would like to get involved with the farming somehow, but we'll wait until the Australian owners are more comfortable with us and get to know us better. There is a large willow tree orchard for making willow branch furniture, fences, and art installations, a stable with about fifteen boarded horses (who are usually in the surrounding pastures), a herd of sheep, two breeding sows, a jersey cow and her two calves, chickens with fresh eggs everyday, a parrot with an Australian accent, parakeets, a rabbit, a few peacocks wandering about, and several sheep dogs. It's a magical place.

I can't wait to take Keats for walks around the farm, showing him all the animals and hearing him make all the noises. I can't wait to be away from concrete sidewalks, garbage trucks, leaf blowers, and cars speeding down our street. I can't wait to hear cows mooing, tractors, horses, and the strange call of the peacocks. I can't wait to use our very own washer and dryer inside of our cottage, no quarters required. I can't wait to have birthday parties on the farm and at the beach. I can't wait to see Olive galloping about our yard, care-free and finally coming out of her nervous shell (she is not a fan of the constant suburban commotion). I can't wait to go to the beach several times a week, make sand castles, set up an umbrella, and watch Keats' amazement at all the new things to discover there. I can't wait to see Birch as he comes home refreshed from a beautiful drive through the woods after a long day at work and to see his joy at coming home to his dream: a farm! I can't wait to plant a row of fruit trees and a row of berries. I can't wait to start living more like my idol, darling Sara from Farmama. I can't wait to play in the kiddie pool and run around the yard after Keats laughing. I can't wait to have hardwood floors. I can't wait for Birch's allergies to subside with the fresh, ocean air and without the constant bombardment of leaf blowers blowing pollen and cut grass straight into our apartment. I can't wait to have a clean slate: a clean, open cottage ready to be decorated and made into a home. Our home.

I'll miss being so close to my parents and having my mother-in-law come over so often to babysit. I'll miss impromptu play dates with Leslie and Tyler who are only a few blocks away. I'll miss going out for ramen and having that occasional pizza delivered. I'll miss the ease of getting the mail.

But mostly, I just can't wait!

(Pictures next post, I promise!)