Tuesday, November 8, 2016
My son and daughter went with Birch to the voting booths. After a stop in the park afterwards, they came home. Frida became distraught, screaming and flailing herself onto the ground. Birch tried so hard to understand to help, but for whatever reason, she just didn't want any of it. She came to me. I did nothing but clutch her to me and breathe three deep breaths slowly and surely. Just like that, she was fast asleep. A few minutes later, Birch collected her into his arms and gave a squeeze before putting her into bed. Watching her in his arms and feeling her against my chest reminded me so strongly that love is the only thing that solves those deep-seated, hopeless, desperate, lost moments of anguish and confusion. Had either of us responded with anger, she would have pushed back just as hard and just as dangerously. All of us have these moments. From both sides. I am at times so terrified, so heartbroken, so completely lost, and yet someone somewhere has ALWAYS brought me to the home within myself through love. Those that responded coldly or exasperatingly or overly pragmatic further pushed me into the chaos. Love brought me back and will continue to bring me back. My hope is that when I am faced with that chaos in others I respond with listening love. I hope that when I inevitably fail, that I catch myself quickly and am as swift in my rectifying love. Love may not always win, but it most definitely always solves.
Thursday, November 3, 2016
We've been living in Palo Alto with my parents for three and a half years. Keats turned 6 in April. Frida turned 5 in November. Keats started 1st grade in August and Frida started her last year of nursery school. Birch and I keep finding each other in the chaos and continue to dream of life on a farm of our own. This is our year.