Flurry of Last-Minute Activity

Two weeks left and feeling it. Keats is doing Tai Chi in preparation while Birch and I finish up all those last-minute details and try to ignore the strange last-minute bodily annoyances of a 9-month pregnant lady (of which there are many).

We’ve planted a few more flowers and herbs in the garden and Birch is gearing up for next month when he can finally plant his vegetable seeds and we can put together Keats’ bean tepee. We’ll have summer squashes, beans, peas, tomatoes, peppers, and artichokes this year.

My mom and sister took me to do some last-minute shopping including a new car seat and other things necessary for the week or two after Keats is born. Birch and I took his car to get a thorough cleaning inside and out so that we can sell it and then we snagged some ribs for dinner later. Delicious, by the way. I scarfed them down so fast!

We drove down to Santana Row to try and find some presentable pants for me to wear to our maternity shoot the next morning and I remembered why I hate it there so much. Seriously, that place is pretty much my version of a circle of Hell. Not sure which, but it’s in there and buddy’s flappin’ his wings nearby. Granted, going shopping on a Saturday afternoon was not the smartest idea ever, but that place is pure madness and crawling with some of the most self-involved shoppers ever. I was literally pushed out of the way a couple of times and later stepped in dog poo right outside Urban Outfitters. I mean, seriously? You really didn’t think it was necessary to pick that up? Ick. Oh, and while I was standing in line for the fitting room at Anthropologie a lady behind me asked me flat out why I was wasting my time trying on pants. They “obviously” weren’t going to fit. I was glad Birch was waiting outside. That would not have gone well. So yeah, Santana Row has reaffirmed my love for online clothes shopping.

Sunday was maternity shoot day. The city was beautiful and after our shoot Birch and I walked around the Botanical Gardens for another two hours. Correction: I waddled, Birch walked. We took a short “nap” on a bench in the sun and all was right with the world once again, the stain of Santana Row washed away by magnolia blossoms.

Monday reminded me why I don’t go for long walks anymore. I could barely move around the apartment but that’s why YouTube was developed, right? Poirot, Miss Marple, and Inspector Morse kept me company and I realized once again how much Morse really bothers me. I mean, is there ever an episode where he doesn’t hit on someone? Especially witnesses and even suspects! So unprofessional. Haha.

So, with fifteen days before the due date left, Birch and I still have a few things to do: put together the labor bag, do our taxes, launder the baby things, get my car thoroughly washed, install the car seat, and clean the place up like it’s never been cleaned before. That last one is starting to feel more and more dubious everyday as my energy and physical prowess dwindles with each passing moment, but I’m determined to at least get the bedroom tip-top and the kitchen spotless. If we can do those two things I will be very happy.

I am so excited for the baby to be in my arms. It’s hard to wait now, it’s so close! Birch and I enjoy the contact we have with little Keats, but it just can’t compare with what we know is coming. Once again Miriam and Ben have come to our emotional rescue. Some people still insist on letting us know how hard having a baby is, but Ben and Miriam help us to see what we already know: it’s worth it and it’s better than being pregnant. Pregnancy is a strange thing—it’s a waiting game, a process with a very definite goal in the end. Without that ending, the past nine months seems cruel and pointless. Perhaps not pointless but most decidedly cruel. To feel that baby’s fingers wrap around one of your own, to hear it coo and even scream, to begin to understand the meaning behind its expressions and various noises—all of it is magical and beautiful, no matter how hard life has become because of it. Because “it” was the point. We planned this. We wanted this. We knew it would be hard but we knew with an even greater certainty that we wanted the challenge in order to have the reward—to have the child. We wanted a child and now we are so close to seeing his face. Not with a machine but with nothing but our eyes. How incredible it will all be. How completely worth everything that has and will be hard. How completely complete.

Six Weeks Left

So today marks the beginning of my 34^th week of pregnancy. I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday which was all-in-all uneventful, but she did measure my belly and we talked about various important matters. Apparently, Keats is somewhat of a big boy. Not super big, but “a bit big.” My doctor noted that besides my large belly, I didn’t look all that pregnant, something I’ve been hearing quite a lot of lately. Here’s what I say to that: “Wonderful.” Water retention levels are down, belly button is out, and besides the occasional fainting spell, I’m feeling great.

Oh, right, the fainting spells. You don’t know about that, perhaps. Well, I fainted once during the first trimester but we’re pretty sure that was because I hadn’t eaten anything in far too long (I have since started a regimen of eating small meals and snacks every two or three hours). However, in just the last month, I’ve fainted or nearly fainted three times. Once while I was doing some part-time data entry work, once while I was at my in-laws, and once while I was standing around doing nothing in my living room. The most common denominator in all of these moments is heat. At work they had set the thermostat to seventy-four degrees to help warm up someone who had been freezing all week in the snow. At my in-laws, I was standing in the sun talking about the local birds that come into their garden. And in my living room, well, I don’t actually really remember what happened there. One minute I felt fine, the next I felt strangely hot, I felt dizzy, I sat down on the couch, told Birch I felt dizzy, then fainted and was out for about three seconds. Luckily, I’ve felt the dizziness coming on before fainting every single time (some women don’t get any warning at all apparently and just faint out of nowhere – scary!) and so I haven’t had a bad spill like that first time in Whole Foods where I collapsed onto the concrete floor and was sent to the emergency room in an ambulance. Yeah, don’t want to repeat that experience. Both the advice nurse and my doctor suggested that I refrain from going anywhere or doing anything by myself, so I’ve cut myself off from driving, going on walks alone, etc. And yes, if this seems like it would limit my movements quite a bit, you’re right. While Birch is at work (thankfully he usually gets home by 4:30 or so), I’m home. Period. I’ve reorganized my baby binder completely, written and re-written “the birth plan,” made a list of things to do, a list of things to get, I’ve made a budget for February through March, reorganized the clothes closet, made a to-do list for Birch when I go into labor, a list of presents we received at our first baby shower (we’re having another one next week) so that I can organize thank you cards, watched lots and lots of nature videos, sketched some ideas for drawings, paintings, and appliqués, and yes, played quite a bit of Farmville and Zoo World so as not to go completely insane with all this list-making.

So, all this de facto house-arrest nonsense aside, I’ve felt fairly calm and relaxed ever since last Friday when I met Miriam and Ben’s brand-new baby girl, Sofia. Though it was a long and arduous task, Miriam was a champion and has renewed my faith in myself that I, too, can do this. With loving care and support from her man, her mama, and a couple of good nurses, Miriam was able to deliver completely naturally and her and Sofia are doing great. I can’t believe she’s already a week old! Sometime this week I’ll go take some pictures, but until then imagine big cheeks, a full head of dark brown/black hair, scrunched up little hands, inquisitive dark eyes, and a baby who likes to be bundled and snuggled. That’s Sofia. When I first heard Miriam was in labor, I had my first twinge of anxiety towards going into labor myself that I’ve had all through the pregnancy! It was a weird feeling to all of the sudden feel nervous and apprehensive, but as soon as I walked into that room with this beautiful new family inside, Miriam smiling up at me, and Sofia understandably fussing during some routine medical checks, I was immediately at ease again and I remembered a feeling I’ve felt before—it’s the hardest physical thing you’ll ever do, but it’s not as hard as you imagine it to be. Some women may scoff at a remark like that, but I found it to be true for myself and I’m hoping that this time around it’ll be a little easier and a bit faster. I already know it’ll have a much better ending because I’ll be able to take little Keats home with me forever.

Birch and I are going to be (and are) so happy.