Happy Birthday Miriam!

You're my girl. Best friends since we were thirteen. Basically, right before it all got real. Haha. We made it, though, and I'm so happy to say that it was in large part because of our friendship. You are constant, compassionate, beautiful, loving, hilarious, wild, creative, direct. You have the best laugh I've ever heard. I love you more than ever. Keep being you and I'll keep being me. Friends forever, my love.

 

 

 

p.s. I cannot wait to see what idiotic pictures we have of ourselves together when we're 93. Love you.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Valentine's Day

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life:
That word is love.
- Sophocles

Valentine's Day has all kinds of cans hanging off the end of it: expectations, frustrations, loneliness, memories, new relationships, old relationships, sex, self-loathing, self-love, giving, gratitude, family, friends, and animals. We go out or stay in. And EVERYONE has something to say on the subject. Some people love the holiday. Some people love the idea of the holiday. Some people are upset they don't have someone special to share it with. Some people gleefully enjoy the "We're Single" romp out and about. Some people eat way too much ice cream while watching "Eulogy." (Look it up, it's fantastic.) Some people spends days and weeks preparing for their kids' Valentine's Day parties at school. Some people cut out paper hearts and set out dishes of heart-shaped chocolates and conversation hearts. Some people decorate the whole house. Some people write new songs commemorating break ups or glorifying love. Some people go all out and spend insane amounts of money on each other. Some people simply exchange notes. Some people start relationships, some commit to relationships, some end relationships. Every year we are inundated with how other people feel about a holiday some describe as a "Hallmark Holiday." So, I'll add to the flood.

Valentine's Day is a set day when all of us can come out of our emotional closets and say "I love you" to whomever we please. Sure, we should say it every day, we should say it, write it, sing it, show it every day. But most of us don't. For whatever reason we just don't. Having a specific day is good. Sure, just like any holiday, we can drown ourselves in expectations. It's easy to do. I do it nearly every year with every holiday, especially now that I have kids. Trying to create memories and traditions for them is a daunting task. Add to that the pressure of enlivening my relationship with my husband and the insanity that is Panic Disorder and you could have the perfect storm. BUT, starting with last Christmas, I'm doing pretty well at keeping my expectations in order, keeping the budget down (or at least just reasonable), and making myself feel that I've done enough. Having a specific day to say "I love you" takes me out of my usual reflexive "I love you"s and gives me a deadline to make sure it is special. It gives me time to reflect on WHY I love who and what I do. It gives me a medium to express it. It gives me an opportunity to teach my children about the importance of love and showing love. My conversations with Keats about Valentine's Day have been my favorite so far. Christmas was fun (he was obsessed) but I feel like Valentine's Day is a holiday that truly anyone can celebrate without thinking twice (and yes, I know it's based on several saints, etc.). It is purely about love, gratitude, and charity. Even historically. It hasn't been so fully switched about as other major holidays.

Admittedly, I get a little confused when people demand they hate Valentine's Day. Really? You hate expressing love? Sure, sometimes the day falls a bit too close to raw feelings, but there is always someone to say "I love you" to. (And yes, I have a sentences ending in prepositions problem.) To me, it's important to remember that Valentine's Day didn't start off celebrating romantic love. That started around Geoffrey Chaucer's time (about eleven centuries after the first Valentinus was imprisoned and executed). Before I was settled and happy within my romantic sphere, Valentine's Day was always a bit rough. I not-so-quickly learned that I needed to move my attentions to others: friends, family, strangers and myself. Love is universal, all-encompassing, sweeping, and well, lovely. It can be as simple as a smile on the street and as extravagant as a world tour. I love Valentine's Day. It's my favorite holiday. Busy lives and horrendous events be damned. At the end of the day, I will remember love. In the night, I'll dream of love. And when it's all over for me (hopefully in very, very many years) I hope I'll be remembered in love.

Happy Valentine's Day!

The Year in Chores

This is one of those lists that I am, at the outset, positive will be rearranged and completed as we can. In between, there will be other to-do's like preparing for parties, coop chores, and hopefully getting more done than we'd planned. But here it is, in its near entirety. I'm positive things have been forgotten or will merely be added as we come to them. Also, I know: this is daunting. This is a lot. This is too much, really. And that is fine! I'm not so stuck on some of the items, but I wanted to get them down so I wouldn't forget. I also find it helps to have the full picture so I get what I can done in a way that won't be completely disrupted when the later projects are finished through.
  
January/February
Entry:

• organize books (purge)
• build driftwood bench with hairpin legs (find reasonably priced legs online)
• create a reception station (boot & shoe area, place to put down bags, garbage can, shredder, mail sorter, key rack, coats hung up, hat rack)
• buy large all-weather mat for the space from the dining room to front door

Bedroom:

• new bed frame (iron from americanironbeds.com)
• buy extra bedding
• take doors off closet
• purge clothes
• organize clothes by function (for birch) and color (for me)
• take out boxes to the garage
• create a space for desk and a wall filing system (for dealing with bills, etc)

Nursery corner:

• set up crib
• sew flannel bedding for crib
• put up decorations

March/April
Laundry area:

• more plants (ferns, etc) in the window
• put up a line for drying some things
• build shelves in the cabinet for detergent
• keep counter above washer and dryer CLEAR for folding

Dining room:

• clear up cold breakfast station
• clear up hot drink station (with added coffee supplies from kitchen)
• create recycling area
• clear off buffet table
• organize dishes
• buy serving dishes once a month until we have what we need
• buy dining chairs (at least four)
• buy booster seat

Kids' room:

• take doors off closet
• hang up clothes (by function for keats, by color for frida)
• new bed for keats (smaller, lofted?)
• buy bins and organize toys
• buy another bookcase

May/JuneLiving room:

• replace and paint windowsill
• paint fireplace white
• create photo wall
• paint remaining walls
• put up artwork and photo frames
• more light (!) especially over the mantle

Front garden and porch:

• rake/sweep
• build raised bed around perimeter
• plan garden
• put up birdhouses

July/August
Kitchen:

• put up shelving for cookbooks (purge some we never use)
• oil drawers so they pull out and push in smoothly
• small shelf or rack for frequently used items right above the butcher block (to clear space for chopping, etc)
• shelf above counter for smaller bulk item jars
• move coffee making supplies to a special station in dining room
• move toaster to the counter
• clean out fridge and put down liner for easier clean-up
• sort drawers and label
• herb garden in the window
• purge glasses (so many means infrequent dish-washing and dishes piling up)
• buy new teapot (le creuset)
• put up shelf for pots OR get more hooks for the pot rack
• put up the three-tier basket for heavier vegetables and fruit

September/OctoberBathroom: 

• paint walls
• buy/make new shower curtain
• buy new shower curtain pole/holder
• organize diaper changing station
• purge all old/expired products and medicine & REPLACE what is needed (medicine, especially)

November/DecemberBack garden: 

• build duck enclosure
• buy and put up aviary netting to keep out hawks and little birds
• build raised beds for vegetable gardening
• secure shed and paint
• put up garden art

Garage:

• put up shelving for boxes (at least three feet off the ground)
• organize tools on pegboard
• clean out chick brooding box
• sweep

Resolution Three: Unclutter

At the end of last year, I borrowed this book from the library. I've renewed it once already and I may need to again, but perhaps I should just buy it! It is fantastic.

It sections out into Morning, Work, and Evening from Monday through The Weekend. For example, Monday parcels out as follows: the morning is dedicated to purging and organizing your wardrobe, your time at work is dedicated to organizing your desk and surrounding area in the office, and your evening dedicated to creating and organizing a reception station. This section is what hooked me completely. It rang true like a giant bell ringing away in my heart. It may sound ridiculous, but I just about started crying. Suddenly, I knew that not only could I get my house in order, but that I would actually enjoy it! I also knew that it would be hard work. The description of going through clothes made me a bit woozy as I knew the volume in our house is insane. Birch and I are clutter freaks! I tell you, we are downright redonkulous when it comes to cleaning up and making time. So, with this book in hand, I am venturing forth to declare 2013 the year of organization and improved sanity. #unclotterproject is underway. The clothes are being washed, sorted, purged, stripped into pieces to make a ragrug, and hung in a closet without doors. 

In the meantime, during glorious car naps and moments of quiet playing, I've been putting together lists of needy areas in our house and snapping photos to remind me of what needs to be sorted, organized, chucked, or donated.

For those of you wondering, yes, the book does account for the fact that not everybody works in an office and some have children and I left it feeling quite confident that going at our own pace is exactly fine. I've been even more fortunate to have a friend or two join in on the project in their own homes. Care to join in, too? We can link up blogs, have an email list, or have a hashtag on Instagram, maybe a group on Facebook where we can post photos of our progress/discuss our ideas, etc.  

In between the bigger projects I've been eying our books. Since the last flood, they've all been breeding in our built-in bookcase, piled up and cozy-like. My order-by-color has been sullied with horizontal stacks of books I'm not always sure why we own. At least, still. They are books we've read and books we've enjoyed, for the most part, but they are not books we need or want to keep and read again (think: outdated textbooks, ridiculously depressing novels, and informative books I'm not sure were ever helpful). So, I've vowed to purge, purge, purge. And no, I'm not going to listen to my husband's odd attachments to outdated geology and math textbooks he studied from over ten years ago. I will allow him to photocopy what he needs, etc., of course. I'll even make him a special binder to keep the copies in and then take to work. Eventually, I will organize his work cart for him as well. He doesn't have his own classroom so he moves from room to room with a cart and it is a complete disaster.

Initially daunted by the task, I was inspired to actually write out an entire list of what I'd want to accomplish this year as far as this project goes. It's long, it's exhausting, it's overwhelming... almost. I think Birch and I can do it. I'm giving us two months to "complete" each room. One month to save up money for anything we may need to buy and to do what we can without the item(s), the second month to buy whatever it is and complete the space. With January nearly over, I'm happy to say our first area is coming together. A sudden small dinner party at our place spurred me on yesterday afternoon to rearrange the entry a bit and now I have a very clear idea of how I will proceed.

I also started snipping away at old tee shirts, etc., creating strips and braiding them together to make a rag rug. I'll be working on that for months, I think. Though I've only been working on it for two days, I've taken nearly every opportunity to work on it. It's relaxing and I can braid while watching the kids (ideally) or while relaxing as they take a nap or are down for the night. It's been an especially nice project to have while I settle for the night with something yummy to drink and an episode of "All Creatures Great and Small."

One project at a time. One step at a time. One day at a time. #unclutterproject is now underway!

What are you worst at organizing? What are you best at? I'm the worst at dishes and putting away clean laundry. I'm best at vacuuming and making the place appear clean for parties (but don't go in the one room I dumped all the unsortables into).

Resolution Two: Date Night

This didn't start out as a New Year's Resolution. Birch and I decided we'd had enough excuses and we were going to force ourselves to go out and enjoy ourselves without the kids. It was really frustrating to realize that we'd gone an entire year without a single kidless date and then truly disheartening when we realized there was no good reason.

I could go into the saga that is Frida's first year (in fact, I wrote it all down but it exhausted me just thinking about it) but I'd rather save those nitty little details as ammunition when she's sixteen and complaining that I won't let her go out until she finishes her homework. Sufficed to say that she was difficult and demanding. After Keats' super mellow babyhood we were not prepared for the infant that was Frida. Holy moly (as we've taught Keats to say in lieu of certain other phrases he's picked up from these two irresponsible people who claim they're his parents)! For Frida, life is either blissful or excruciatingly awful. There is no uncomfortable and there are no minor inconveniences. Basically, we were afraid and riddled with guilt. Not for Frida, for the poor sucker we got to babysit for us. The last couple of months have seen a change in her, though, and with the realization that Birch and my relationship needs a serious overhaul of awesomeness, we promised each other (while I cried over the phone to him before he came home from work) that we would go on a date. I utilized the glory that is Facebook and within about two minutes, maybe less, my sister-in-law was slated to come over that Saturday evening. I'm telling you, if I could have jumped through the computer screen into her arms, I might have done something drastically inappropriate. She was a life-saver.

That Saturday, Birch took the kids out so I could get ready. I did everything I could think to do to myself and I was shaking the entire time. I was nervous! I was actually nervous to go on a date with my husband. I was tingling with anticipation. I even shampooed my hair twice by accident and nearly the shaved the same leg twice, too.

In the end, the date was calm and relaxed. We didn't really know what to do with ourselves, actually. We went with the old standby of sunset and sushi. I mean, you just can't go wrong. We came home relaxed. Relieved. Refreshed. All the moments that had been so difficult in the last year had just melted away in those few hours. We could just enjoy each other.

We've had a couple of dates since then, but they felt random and unplanned (and not in a good way). Then we met our new neighbors. They have two children right around our kids' ages. They invited us to dinner at their home and as the kids played amazingly well together, the adults drank a little too much wine. Match made in heaven. So, we made a plan. We'd switch off date nights and babysit for each other, that way we'd get at least one date in a month if not more! When we got home, the wheels started turning. How could we go on even more dates? 

I made up a calendar. Every first Saturday, grandparents babysit. Every second Saturday, we babysit and our neighbors go out. Every third Saturday, our neighbors babysit. Every fourth Saturday, either we stay home OR hire a babysitter for all four kids, split the cost and go on a double date! If there is a fifth Saturday, we stay home. Genius.

After finishing the calendar, I immediately went into our budget and adjusted and rearranged. Now there is a big, new category: Date Night. It has three subsections: solo dates, double date, and babysitter. We don't need our dates to be extravagant. Sometimes we'll most likely stay in and enjoy the quiet in our home or watch a movie together, uninterrupted, with the volume up so we aren't constantly asking each other what that person just said. I've scoured Pinterest for date night ideas, too.

Some of my favorites:
Wife.Mom.Superwoman's 30 (Non-Cheesy) Date Ideas
The Bridal Tree's First Anniversary Idea (our 5th is coming up!)
Love the Grow's His & Her Q & A

Keeping our relationship growing and alive is very important to us. We love each other so very much and we know we both deserve to not only have more fun with our relationship but also to continually get to know each other. People change as time passes. Birch and I are both different people than when we met, than the people we were when we married, and we are certainly different after having two kids. Growing and changing is perfectly fine and expected. I just want to make sure I stay connected and never grow so busy that I forgot to know the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with and I hope/know Birch feels the same.

What is your favorite date night activity? What have you been yearning to do?

Resolution One: Family Budget

Why we needed a budget: 
At the end of each month, we were routinely running out of money, sometimes with bills left to pay. This made it so that some bills were doubled the next month and our money very quickly began slipping through our fingers

Deciding what we value:
Food. Once I put together an initial budget, it became clear that we spent a whole lot more than most people we knew on groceries. Since we buy high quality food, we accept and expect the higher cost. We try to buy food we can feel ethically sound in buying (pasture-raised meat, eggs, and dairy; local and organic vegetables and fruit, organic grains and sugar, etc). We also spread our money around many different grocery stores and farmer's markets. We have one store that has the best deal on bulk items like flour and rice, another store where we buy harder-to-find "ethnic" ingredients like fresh locally-made tofu and noodles, and we buy the bulk of our vegetables and fruit in season at the local farmer's markets. Though we knew we wanted to pay more for higher quality, we also knew we were spending too much and too impulsively. So we made up a system for ourselves where we buy bulk items and household necessities (like toilet paper) once a month, then have a set weekly budget for the farmer's markets (where we buy our meat, vegetables, and fruit). Having a set amount before entering the store or market (as well as eating beforehand) has made our spending decrease by $200 per month.

Eating Out. It became clear that since Birch and I cook almost exclusively from scratch for each meal of the day, we really appreciate a meal out of the house at least once a week. Nothing too extravagant, just a pop-in to the local taqueria or a snack at the bakery. Looking at our unstructured budget, we could see that we were eating out too regularly and most of all when we were stressed. Putting a cap on what we could spend eating out meant that we had something to look forward to each week. We have come to look at it as a little present to ourselves instead of an escape.

It also meant we had to figure out how to make mealtime at home a better experience for everybody. Birch is an amazing cook, but the nature of cooking from scratch is that it takes longer! After spending all day with the kids, I'm usually in dire need of a break when Birch gets home. So, we're working on meal-planning and stream-lining chores so Birch doesn't end up washing dishes he needs instead of preparing the family meal.

Doing this has saved us about $100 per month.

When It Rains, It Floods

Like I said before, winter here is wet. Spring even more so. Since November, we've had two flooding scares. The first time was the most emotional for me. We weren't prepared in any way for it. It's not a flash flooding situation, more of a five-foot-high-and-rising situation (though, not five feet high, thankfully). The water rises high first from the field across the road from us. The creek floods there and then Pescadero Creek floods coming down our road from the other direction. When that happens, our house is in danger of major flooding. Our place is already raised about two and a half feet from the ground, but when it floods, we're still in danger of our floors getting soaked. Yuck. Our landlords will be raising the house even more in the coming months, though we're not sure when. We assume they'll have to wait until reliably dry weather which isn't until August and September. 

That first flood of the season was a doozy for me. Not knowing what to expect, I ran around the house like a madwoman, collecting all of what we deemed to be "favorites" and boxing them up to either put up high or bring with us in the car. I found gifts from friends who've passed away and took photos out from their frames. In hindsight, much of what I did to prepare was an overreaction to the situation. I was scared and a newbie to the whole situation so I'll go ahead and excuse myself. That experience left me a bit numb and I questioned whether to decorate for Christmas, but in the end, I did and I was glad.

The second flood took place the night before Christmas Eve. We were calmer this time. Most things were still arranged for easy pick up and removal. And this time, we saw it coming. The timing was a bit crazy as we were out of town that morning, but we got home in time and packed up to go stay at a cabin the owners provided for us. Driving up to it, Birch and I immediately relaxed. It was beautiful and serene. If we had to be out of our place for Christmas, this is where we wanted to do it. The morning of Christmas Eve, we checked our floors at home: all dry and the water was already draining from the yard. We were so happy and relieved as the water had risen higher than before and we were nervous driving home. We spent Christmas Eve and morning cozy and grateful at home. We awoke to our Christmas tree towering above us and clear light shining through the window. It was a clear, beautiful day and we were right where we wanted to be.

 

These experiences also just furthered that spring cleaning bug we've been feeling for months. That ongoing project of perfecting our various systems and routines, the purging, the journey to Less Stuff. You'll hear more of that another time.

It should also be noted that both floods were a dream come true for Keats...